death

i've never been good with this concept. my go-to tactic is to pretend it won't happen and that it's not real because actually dealing with it seems unfathomable.
so the last two nights i've been hysterically crying myself to sleep, trying to understand how someone could kill another person. watch the life literally drain out of them.
there is no way my brain can wrap around this idea.
and then i throw myself into any of the family members, or friends positions, and i get even more upset because it doesn't make any sense to me that someone could die, and never come back again.

so besides the whole issue of me being mentally incapable at handling emotions at all,
i went to florida georgia line last night, and i wasn't too thrilled because i had a final this morning and a paper, so i wanted to be studying but i promised my sister i would go with her.
and then, i'm sure you've seen it around, they say something about a song going out to the people affected by the "shooting a couple weeks ago. or something. or a couple days ago or something.." and i sat down in my seat and was just dumbfounded.

so with that newspaper article going around today, someone posted it and said "i was at the concert and i do not agree with this person at all!" going on about it and how we should be thankful that they have their sympathy and accept their idea of helping.

this is what i wrote out to them.

"i think its more of a disrespect thing. it just seems like the stabbing is nothing to be taken lightly, and when i heard them say that it was a "shooting a couple weeks ago, or a couple days ago" my heart sank. to me, it sounded like these 5 people that died weren't even worth the extra 5 minutes they could have read in literally every paper. i get it, they're big super stars and such, and have busy lives, but everyone that was directly, and even indirectly affected by this tragedy has had their lives completely put on hold because of a terrible terrible thing. I'm not trying to start a rebuttal, and i agree that this article isn't the view of every person who was in the stadium last night. but right now ts way too soon for people to be even close to taking these things lightly."

what i wanted to say was something with a lot of swear words about how dumb they are and that they shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. and they should never pretend that something isn't offensive when they have no idea how everyone else feels. i was straight up appalled and i didn't actually know any of the people that died.

well, i didn't end up posting it anyways. but thats all. its been a bad couple days for me, but i can't imagine what any of the families or friends are feeling.