because sometimes it looks easier to be grumpy.

even though it is not.
its never easier to be grumpy.
but it seems like such a great idea to just sulk it out until it gets better.
it's not.

if i could make a list of people who probably do not agree with the decisions i've been making, or don't enjoy me anymore as a person, the list would probably be pretty long.
but after writing out a list like that, it's much more important to stop and look back at all the people that would be on the list of the opposite end of the spectrum.
while i was sulking and being grumpy and wallowing in self pity, someone said "All I can say is theres also a lot of people out there that really do care about you."
and there is.
a lot of people.
and i've made a positive impact on a lot of peoples lives.
but its so easy to become completely clouded with the negative.

it's hard to stop caring. especially when it feels like I am programmed to only care about who doesn't like me.
as happy as i would be in this exact moment to pack up and just leave, there's lots of people that I couldn't leave hanging here.

maybe i should just spend more time with the people that really care about me,  the people who can look past mistakes that i've made because i mean enough to them. and stop wasting daylight on people who don't.

even though this may go unread, writing always makes me feel better.
good work jordan. way to go. problem solving and stuff. :)